I may not feel like a winner sometimes, but I don't want to think I am a loser, or that I am really letting life's loops throw me for a spin, maybe a bit of a twirl though. I try to be an overall caring person. I try to put myself last. I just don't feel like I'm on the winners list sometimes. In my life I have a lot of effort in things that I have sought for, whether it is a relationship, friendship, motherhood, writing and art, work... but I don't understand why it seems I don't seem to "make it"... all the way. That in many areas I feel the taunting of my failures. I guess I am wanting my own goodstuff. I am the kind of person that most of the time is half full glass but everything conflicting around me says, no it's half empty! "Believe me you are half empty", the glass tells me... this same glass not fulfilling my thirst. Oh if I fall into that pit of despair and hopelessness, suddenly it's... why is "this"- which can be anything from a flat tire to a car crash or a bad hair day to an illness- why is this happening? I tried. If I don't give up, someone else may anyway and where does it leave me. "Give up", the empty glass calls, "give in to despair."
Despair, in definition stated:
- a state in which all hope is lost or absent;
- abandon hope; give up hope; lose heart;
- the feeling that everything is wrong and nothing will turn out well; "they moaned in despair and dismay"; "one harsh word would send her into the depths of despair"
- Romans 7:21 (King James Version) I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me.
- Romans 8:28 (New Living Translation)
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.
